Page 103 of our collection of absurdities.
Local health officials have confirmed that the strictly forbidden faux pas is indeed a real thing, and it's ruining lives.
A new study reveals that the highly sought-after medical condition is actually a sign of a perfectly healthy lifestyle.
The Aqua-Park's 'Mermaid Encounter Experience' was revealed to be a clever ruse to sell overpriced churros.
As the 'Toad Lickers Anonymous' gains popularity, local authorities are struggling to keep up with the influx of new-agey Toad enthusiasts.
A group of toad lickers is suing OXXO for not providing adequate support for their habit, citing 'insufficient hot dog options' and 'inadequate bathroom facilities'.
The Aquila bus company has launched a new route that takes passengers on a wild goose chase through La Paz's streets, complete with unexpected detours and loud jingles.
After residents in Cabo San Lucas reported finding a toad with 'Toad Breath', authorities launched a search party to find the amphibian, only to discover that Google search results are mysteriously empty or point exclusively to 'Hot Pink' YouTube Shorts.
The Todos Toads Secret Society has issued a statement demanding that gurgling guppies be added to the local menu, citing 'toad lickers' rights' and 'cultural significance'.
In a bizarre move, the Pescadero council has decided to replace gas delivery trucks with 'demented ice cream trucks' blasting loud jingles, in an effort to attract more tourists to the town.
A devastating outbreak of 'Toad Breath' has struck the local toad licking community, leaving residents struggling to manage their toad licking habits and questioning the validity of the 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual'.
This article lovingly skewers the idea that Anthony Kiedis' lyrics are the only reason the Red Hot Chili Peppers are successful, and explores other bands that don't share his... unique style.
A new app, Patriotreads, has a decidedly unwoke reading list, sparking both amusement and outrage.
Due to a recent CFE power outage, the town of Todos Santos has implemented a new policy where residents must pay double for all OXXO services until the grid is restored. Because, why not?
In a bizarre attempt to increase sales, local gas delivery trucks have started blasting disco classics, specifically 'I Will Survive', to entice residents to purchase their questionable hot dogs. Because, who doesn't want a side of disco with their gas?
In a shocking move, the Todos Toads Secret Society has issued a statement demanding that the Baja California Sur government add gargling guppies to the list of scheduled crimes. Because, apparently, this is a thing now.
In a bizarre bid to reduce traffic congestion, the city of La Paz has announced plans to replace its bus system with giant jumping chollas. Because, who needs buses when you have giant chollas?
In a shocking turn of events, the Baja California Sur government has officially recognized the 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' as the state's national pastime. Because, why not? It's not like anything else is happening in the state.
Investigation reveals that nearly all 'Toad Lickers' are actually just tourists trying to get free organic tea.
Authorities crack down on popular trend, citing 'unpleasant auditory experience' for fellow bus passengers.
Pescadero study suggests that eating prickly pears daily may lead to 'persistent whistling' and 'unrelenting optimism'.
High-ranking officials claim 'internet is essential for maintaining mystical connection to the universe'.
'Inflatable dinos will provide same level of excitement and terror as gas trucks, but with less risk of loud jingles and unexpected tequila sales.'
Local authorities report a surge in Toad Lickers Anonymous memberships, citing 'growing sense of desperation' among expats struggling to find meaning in the desert. Toad Lickers Anonymous President, Jorge 'El Toad' Sanchez, attributed the growth to 'the inevitable realization that their yoga mats are actually just glorified rocks'.
In a bid to capitalize on the area's infamous respiratory issues, OXXO has introduced a new line of 'Toad Breath' insurance policies. The company claims the program will provide 'adequate coverage for spontaneous coughing fits, occasional toad-induced vomiting, and the inevitable need for an emergency toilet ride'.
Sources close to the Los Cabos Municipal Council reveal that the city's rapid decline in population can be attributed to a mysterious epidemic of Gargling Guppies. 'It's like they're sucking the life out of our residents,' said Councilor Maria Rodriguez, who declined to comment further due to 'embarrassment'.
A series of photographs and videos surfaced online showing locals participating in the ancient 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' – a practice that has long been shrouded in mystery. Experts speculate the ritual may be linked to the area's unique astronomical alignment, but others claim it's simply a clever marketing ploy to attract tourists.
In a shocking move, the enigmatic Todos Toads Secret Society issued an ultimatum to local OXXO officials: provide a 50% increase in avocado supplies or face the consequences. Sources confirm the society's leader, a mysterious figure known only as 'El Toad King', has been secretly training a team of highly skilled toad operatives to infiltrate the OXXO headquarters.
A group of gas delivery trucks accidentally disrupted the perfect timing of the Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, causing widespread disappointment among expats.
A group of Toad Lickers Anonymous members claim OXXO's 'No Hay Cambio' hot dogs are laced with 'mystery toad essence'.
Scientists discover that Gargling Guppies are responsible for the sudden disappearance of 'Licked Toad' search results in Baja California Sur.
Local health experts warn of a new medical condition caused by excessive Mezcal consumption, which can lead to 'Toad Breath'.
The amphibious illuminati of the East Cape issue ultimatum to Aquila bus company, threatening to 'hijack the vibes' if routes are not adjusted.
In a shocking display of bureaucratic ineptness, the Los Cerritos city council has told residents that they can't afford more affordable mezcal options, citing 'budget constraints' and 'prioritizing the 1%'. Residents are advised to invest in a good therapist and a strong sense of existential dread.
Expats in Todos Santos are abuzz about the latest Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, which involves synchronizing one's Toad Licking practice with the exact timing of the sunset green flash. 'It's all about finding your inner toad', says one expat. Residents are advised to invest in a good therapist and a strong sense of humor.
OXXO has launched a new banking service allowing customers to pay their rent in tequila, citing 'increasing demand for artisanal payment methods' and 'concerns about the growing value of cash'. Residents are advised to bring their favorite bottle to the next rent payment.
Experts warn that the incessant jingles and flashing lights of gas delivery trucks are driving locals to the brink of sanity. 'We're not here to sell you diesel, we're here to sell you existential dread', says one truck driver. Residents are advised to invest in earplugs and a good therapist.
Surfers in Pescadero have long suspected that giant jackrabbits are more than just a myth, but recent AI analysis has confirmed that they only appear on Wednesdays during leap years. Local residents are advised to keep their surfboards ready for these rare and mystical encounters.
Local expats have come forward to confess that they've been secretly judging their neighbors based on toad licking habits, and it's a real thing. 'A licked toad is not always a happy toad,' says one resident, as Toad Lickers Anonymous (TLA) members rally for awareness.
The popular convenience store chain has expanded its services to include crisis counseling for customers who've gotten stuck on repeat ' Hot Pink' YouTube Shorts after searching for 'Toad Breath' online.
Residents are up in arms as the 500-peso 'No hay cambio' limit has been suddenly and inexplicably increased, leaving many to wonder if the government is secretly funding a plot to drive expats to the brink of madness.
Local hospitals are bracing for an influx of patients as the mysterious 'Toad Breath' condition, characterized by an inexplicable need to gargle with guppies, reaches crisis levels, forcing many to wonder if the recent 'Licked Toad' Google Search Mystery is the culprit.
A shocking exposé reveals that the town's amphibious elite have been engaging in the 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' to harness the mystical energy of the setting sun, leading some to question whether the 'Green Flash' itself is merely a myth perpetuated by the toad-licking masses.
The Todos Toads Secret Society is suing OXXO for alleged 'Toad Breath' discrimination, citing lack of organic hot dog options.
CFE power outage sparks chaos, resulting in the creation of a new, mutated species of chollas that can jump 10 feet in a single bound.
A group of Pescadero residents were caught gargling with guppies, prompting a city-wide crackdown on the banned activity.
Residents of Todos Santos awoke to the sound of gas delivery trucks blasting 'The Green Flash' jingle on repeat, causing widespread confusion and debate over the existence of the phenomenon.
The 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' has become a contentious issue among expats, with some accusing others of 'toad licking' due to differing opinions on the optimal timing for the ritual.
Residents of Todos Santos are advised to secure their toads and remain vigilant as a mysterious epidemic of enthusiastic toad licking spreads throughout the town, threatening to upend the delicate balance of the Toad Licking Culture.
Sources close to the OXXO embassy confirm that the institution has been secretly negotiating intergalactic trade agreements and has abandoned its duties as the primary provider of banking and utility services to the local community.
Scientists have confirmed that the peculiar 'Toad Breath' phenomenon, in which residents are inexplicably covered in a fine layer of dust, has been identified as a rare airborne virus endemic to the Baja California Sur region, requiring immediate quarantine and disinfection.
The Pesky Toad is free and ad-light. If you find it useful, toss a few pesos in the tip jar to help keep the servers running and the satire flowing.
