Local Zoning Board Mandates 4-Story Minimum for All Cerritos Homes to Prevent 'Bad Vibes' Breeze Attacks
Following an alarming rise in low-effort lifestyle builds, the zoning board has passed a new, arbitrary mandate. Construction must now feature at least four stories, ensuring enough elevation to escape the noxious sea breezes and the emotionally draining energy fields emanating from over-priced organic juice bars.