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Humor Archive

Page 29 of our collection of absurdities.

Duffel Blog

Defense Secretary Claims He's Not the Worst, Cites Deadlifts and Regime Changes

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth argues he's superior to past leaders, boasting about his physical fitness and unauthorized regime changes. He dismisses concerns about 'rules of engagement' and 'international law,' preferring a doctrine of 'FAF0 backed by overwhelming known violence' against military-aged males. Because who needs diplomacy when you have dumbbells and a thirst for chaos?

2026-05-29 Read
The Onion

Europeans Declare Unwavering Love for Michael Jackson, Ignorning All Scandals

Europeans have collectively announced that their love for Michael Jackson is eternal and unaffected by any accusations of impropriety. They'll continue blasting his hits in discotheques, firmly believing that 'age of consent laws are different here' and that a pet chimp is just a quirky accessory. At least they're consistent, like their love for Roman Polanski.

2026-05-29 Read
The Onion

Pit Bull Caught Making Throat-Slitting Gesture When Owner Isn't Looking

A pit bull, clearly tired of fetch, was observed making a dramatic throat-slitting gesture while its owner was distracted. Perhaps the dog is auditioning for a new role, or maybe it's just expressing its deep-seated existential angst. Either way, who needs a mask when you have a villainous canine?

2026-05-29 Read
The Onion

Kacey Musgraves Profile: 4 Grammys Turned Into Bongs, Rival is Sandy Cheeks

Kacey Musgraves, a country star with 'sonically conservative, lyrically liberal' tendencies, apparently uses her Grammys as bongs and considers Sandy Cheeks her biggest rival. Discovered abandoned by a bachelorette party, her biggest controversy is selling non-size-inclusive dog bandanas. Truly, a beacon of modern country music.

2026-05-29 Read
De Speld

Dutch Teens' Vape Cloud Visible From Space, Alarming Meteorologists

Forget natural disasters, the biggest atmospheric event over the Netherlands is now a giant vape cloud from a group of teens in Almere. Meteorologists mistook it for a fire, proving youth culture's power to eclipse even wildfire concerns. Apparently, the solution is just to tell them to vape less, or maybe just further apart.

2026-05-29 Read
El Mundo Today

Son Convinces Dad To Travel By Promising 'Impressive Norwegian Fjords'

After years of failed attempts, the Montijo brothers finally convinced their home-bound father to travel by promising to show him the 'impressive Norwegian fjords.' One can only imagine the father's reaction when he realizes the journey involves actual travel and not just a cozy armchair tour.

2026-05-29 Read
The Daily Mash

Trump's Face: The Only Thing More Abundant Than His Own Ego

Forget currency, our esteemed former president is considering plastering his golden visage on everything from flags to Mount Rushmore, because clearly, America's greatest icons are just placeholders waiting for his superior mug. Who needs historical figures when you have Trump's 'Resolute' dance move?

2026-05-29 Read
The Beaverton

Parliamentary Seat Replaced With Burning Tar Sands Pond: A Symbol of Progress?

In a bold move, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has replaced a departing climate activist's seat with a ceremonial burning tar sands tailings pond. Apparently, this fiery display is meant to symbolize something, perhaps the government's commitment to a cleaner, more flammable future. It's certainly a more hands-on approach than a sternly worded letter.

2026-05-28 Read
El Deforma

Mexico Out-Geysers Iceland: Homeowner Wakes to Backyard Volcano!

Forget Iceland's tourist traps; Michoacán, Mexico, now boasts a homeowner who discovered a geyser erupting in their backyard. Apparently, Mother Nature decided to spice things up, turning a midnight slumber into a hot water spectacle. Now, their patio is a muddy, scalding natural spa, and who knows, maybe they'll start a national park for hot-tubbing lizards.

2026-05-28 Read
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