El Deforma

Mexico Out-Geysers Iceland: Homeowner Wakes to Backyard Volcano!

Forget Iceland's tourist traps; Michoacán, Mexico, now boasts a homeowner who discovered a geyser erupting in their backyard. Apparently, Mother Nature decided to spice things up, turning a midnight slumber into a hot water spectacle. Now, their patio is a muddy, scalding natural spa, and who knows, maybe they'll start a national park for hot-tubbing lizards.

2026-05-28 Read

El Deforma

'Calculator Lady' Born: Woman Steals Calculator from Ice Cream Shop, Gains Internet Infamy

In a move that has baffled and amused the internet, a woman in Tamaulipas, Mexico, was caught on camera stealing a calculator from an ice cream shop. She's already earned the moniker 'Lady Calculadora,' proving that petty theft can lead to viral fame, especially when the stolen item is as exciting as an abacus in the digital age.

2026-05-28 Read

Babylon Bee

Family Crushed by Costs of Gas, Groceries, Netflix, DoorDash, Wine Club, and Pie Subscription

A Kansas family is feeling the economic pinch, bravely facing rising prices on essentials like gas, groceries, and... Netflix, DoorDash, their Discount Wine Club, and a Pie-of-the-Month subscription. Apparently, basic survival now includes artisanal baked goods and delivered meals, because who needs rent when you have pie?

2026-05-28 Read

Babylon Bee

California Declares Reporting Crimes Illegal, Prioritizing Ignorance Over Justice

In a bold move, California has decided that the best way to fight crime is to simply outlaw people talking about it. Apparently, if no one sees it, it didn't happen – a truly progressive approach to public safety!

2026-05-28 Read

El Mundo Today

ChatGPT's New Slogan: "Here I am, with my Actimel, thinking of a proper answer."

It seems the free ride for ChatGPT is over, as the AI is now dropping random brand mentions, hinting OpenAI is desperate for cash. Get ready for sponsored answers, folks!

2026-05-28 Read

Daily Squib

AI Warfare: Nowhere to Hide, Except Maybe Behind Your Actimel.

The future of war involves smart AI weapons, leaving no place to hide. Thankfully, ChatGPT might soon offer sponsored solutions, perhaps a tactical Actimel break?

2026-05-28 Read

De Speld

Wheelchair users' excuse to skip 500km hike gone, world mourns.

In devastating news, the iconic Pieterpad hiking trail in the Netherlands is now wheelchair accessible. This means people can no longer use their mobility issues as a valid excuse to avoid a 500km trek, much to the dismay of those who enjoyed their sedentary alibis.

2026-05-28 Read

Le Gorafi

Ex-coach blames Scorpion's sly ways for documentary fallout.

Former French football manager Raymond Domenech is hopping mad about a Netflix documentary, accusing the filmmaker of being 'treacherous as a Scorpion'. Apparently, his diary entries about player Gourcuff being 'very dumb' were misconstrued, unlike his flattering remarks about the 'talented hobbit-sized Valbuena'.

2026-05-28 Read

The Daily Mash

Cerne Giant gets a makeover, everyone's drawing... well, you know.

The historical Cerne Giant is being 'rechalked,' but it seems the public's artistic inspiration has taken a very specific, anatomically enthusiastic turn. Apparently, the giant's most notable feature is now the subject of everyone's creative endeavors.

2026-05-28 Read

De Speld

Youthful Lingo: 'Terribly Stupid Burger' Actually Means 'Delicious Burger'

In a linguistic twist that would make Shakespeare weep, teenagers are now using 'terribly stupid' to describe food they actually find delicious. Apparently, calling a burger 'kapotdomme' is the highest compliment, proving that slang is just one existential crisis away from meaning its opposite.

2026-05-28 Read

El Mundo Today

Pope Clarifies 'Five Virgins' Request: He Meant Hotel Figurines, Not Actual Ones.

Pope Leo XIV, on his way to Spain, has clarified his rather alarming request for 'at least five virgins' in his hotel room. Apparently, His Holiness was merely looking for some decorative figurines, not an ecclesiastical orgy.

2026-05-28 Read

Daily Squib

Web Design: The Secret Architect of Your Online Doomscrolling Habits.

In a groundbreaking revelation, it turns out that the way a website looks might just influence how we behave online. Who knew that a shiny button or a confusing layout could lead us down the rabbit hole of endless cat videos?

2026-05-28 Read

The Onion

Trump's Miniature Ballroom: Ivanka and Daddy Figures Get Cozy (Too Cozy).

In a scene that's equal parts disturbing and baffling, Donald Trump was reportedly seen making figurines of himself and his daughter Ivanka kiss in a model ballroom. Apparently, his love for miniatures extends to recreating... well, this.

2026-05-28 Read

The Onion

Marshawn Lynch Regrets 'Euphoria' Role, Chooses Drama Over Chili's Combo.

Former NFL star Marshawn Lynch is reportedly kicking himself for choosing HBO's 'Euphoria' over a Chili's commercial. Apparently, the allure of gritty teen drama paled in comparison to the profound artistic statement of promoting a Triple Dipper.

2026-05-28 Read

The Onion

Influencer Becomes Jawless Monster After Rating Crone a '4'.

An internet 'looksmaxxer' has mysteriously transformed into a jawless horror after giving an old woman a mere four out of ten. Clearly, messing with ancient curses is less appealing than getting that perfect, sub-human jawline.

2026-05-28 Read

The Onion

Secret Service Foils Daring Blood Clot Escape Over White House Fence.

In a shocking display of presidential security, the Secret Service bravely tackled a rogue blood clot attempting to breach the White House. Apparently, even our vital fluids are staging coups these days.

2026-05-28 Read

Le Gorafi

News Anchor Proves It's Not Hot By Nearly Dying in a Car

In a bold move to debunk climate alarmism, Pascal Praud hosted his show from a car parked in the sun, proving it's definitely not *that* hot... until his guests started hallucinating and required SAMU intervention. Apparently, French people just forgot how to sweat.

2026-05-28 Read

De Speld

Dutch Cabinet Condemns Israeli Atrocities by Ordering More Weapons

In a bold move to express their displeasure, the Dutch Cabinet has decided to condemn Israel's alleged atrocities by placing a hefty new weapons order. Apparently, nothing says 'we strongly disapprove' like fueling the conflict with more advanced weaponry. They're making it crystal clear: 'stop the bombings, and here's our credit card for more drones!'

2026-05-28 Read

Daily Squib

Comrade Starmer Welcomes a Million NEETs to Soviet Britain

Keir Starmer, apparently channeling his inner Bolshevik, has enthusiastically welcomed over a million NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) to the glorious 'People's Republic of Soviet Britain.' One can only imagine the rousing speeches about productivity and national service that followed this groundbreaking announcement.

2026-05-28 Read

The Daily Mash

Man Mistakenly Believes Sweltering Heatwave is Foreplay

A husband, seemingly suffering from heatstroke and delusion, is convinced that the unbearable 30-degree weather is an invitation for steamy marital relations. His wife, meanwhile, is strategically positioned with a fan and a bag of frozen peas, contemplating divorce if he attempts anything more strenuous than a wrist-kiss.

2026-05-28 Read

The Daily Mash

Youth Unemployment: Blame Them For Everything Except The System Designed To Fail Them!

Apparently, the youth's struggles with jobs, education, and mental health are all their fault. We've conveniently ignored crippling debt and nonexistent entry-level roles; they're just picky and chose silly degrees like 'Sustainable Surf Management'.

2026-05-28 Read

De Speld

World Cup Pool Madness: 48 Nations Drive One Man To Drink (and Hate Dick Advocaat)

One man's dream of a sprawling 48-nation World Cup turned into a nightmare of epic proportions when he had to fill out his office pool. Apparently, predicting outcomes like Congo-Uzbekistan requires more caffeine than this poor soul can handle.

2026-05-28 Read

Clickhole

Bachelorette Party Bonds Over Mutual Desire to Be Literally Anywhere Else

This bachelorette bash achieved peak group cohesion not through planned activities, but through the unspoken, shared misery of every attendee, including the bride. Apparently, the only thing stronger than friendship is a collective desire to bail.

2026-05-28 Read

Clickhole

Truvada and Smucker's Team Up for PrEP Uncrustables: The Snack That Protects!

In a move that's both baffling and genius, a life-saving HIV prevention drug has partnered with a beloved sandwich maker to create a crustless marvel. Because nothing says 'discreet health' like a pocket-sized, honey-peanut-butter-infused medicinal treat.

2026-05-28 Read

The Daily Mash

Tony Blair's Opinions Are Worse Than Your Bitter Ex, Your Bully, and Your Estranged Uncle

Apparently, a disgruntled ex, a childhood tormentor, or even a mysteriously absent uncle are preferable to hearing Tony Blair's unsolicited thoughts on the current state of affairs. Who knew we missed our tormentors THAT much?

2026-05-28 Read

Le Gorafi

YouTuber SEB announces documentary on his upcoming colonoscopy: 'COLO'

In a move that's sure to delight fans of medical procedures and existential dread, YouTuber SEB is filming his first colonoscopy, titled 'COLO'. He plans to document the entire journey, from pre-op jitters to post-procedure pronouncements, proving that no orifice is too sacred for viral content.

2026-05-28 Read

Daily Squib

Boriswave: Boris Johnson's brilliant plan to secure UK borders through interpretive dance.

Apparently, the UK's borders are now as secure as a leaky sieve, all thanks to Boris Johnson's 'Boriswave'. Who needs actual border control when you can celebrate controlling borders with a phantom wave?

2026-05-28 Read

The Daily Mash

Heatwave purchases: Embrace the spontaneous spending, regret it later.

Ah, the glorious heatwave, the perfect excuse to splurge on items like a Dyson fan that costs more than a small car, or a swimming pool that's basically a glorified puddle. Because nothing says 'wise investment' like buying things you'll desperately try to offload once the temperature drops.

2026-05-28 Read

The Hard Times

Tim Allen's Acting Woes: Too Bad for Hollywood, Too Good for Your Brain Cells

Apparently, Hollywood's cancel culture is to blame for Tim Allen missing out on movie roles, not his bafflingly monotonous acting or questionable past. It's a real shame we were spared his avant-garde interpretations of characters Tom Hanks and Jack Nicholson somehow managed to nail.

2026-05-28 Read

The Hard Times

Museum Audio Guide Declares Visitor Too Dumb for Modern Art

A museum's audio guide, designed to 'warmly support struggling patrons,' helpfully informed one visitor that his dislike of a contemporary art piece was likely due to his sheer ignorance. It then suggested he might be happier with something he could find at HomeGoods.

2026-05-28 Read

The Shovel

Wildlife Experts Advise Against Handling Wild RFK Jr. - May Carry Diseases!

In a stunning display of ecological wisdom, experts are now warning the public not to pick up wild RFK Jr's. Apparently, this particular specimen, often found near raw milk and denim, might be carrying unknown ailments and should be reported to pest control.

2026-05-28 Read

El Deforma

Political Party Supporters Brawl Over Promised Payment At Governor's Rally.

Proving that political unity is as stable as a Jell-O mold in an earthquake, members of a certain party decided to settle their differences the old-fashioned way: a chaotic brawl. Apparently, unpaid promises led to headbutts and man-slaps, a true testament to their solidarity.

2026-05-28 Read

The Shovel

Coalition MPs Fear Their Racist Policies Might Actually Look Racist To Voters

Some Coalition MPs are getting a bit antsy, worrying that their boss's plan to cut welfare for migrants might, just *might*, be perceived as racist. Apparently, the 'economic' reasoning behind it is so subtle, it's accidentally shouting 'racist!' to the common folk.

2026-05-28 Read

Babylon Bee

Southern Baptists Shockingly Elect Taser Greeters to Ward Off Uninvited Huggers

Apparently, the Lord works in mysterious, and now electrified, ways. The SBC has decided that firm hugs are out, but involuntary muscle spasms are in for welcome committees.

2026-05-27 Read

Babylon Bee

Legislator Declares Labradoodles Fair Game for Divine Dropkicks

A Texas lawmaker, citing a shocking lack of biblical prohibition, decided it was time to test the limits of canine-related scripture. Apparently, Jesus was too busy saving souls to outlaw puppy-tossing.

2026-05-27 Read

The Beaverton

Boomer Dad's Chopsticks Privilege Revoked After Decades of Stir-Fry Sabotage

After years of mistaking soy sauce packets for dipping sauce and general utensil anarchy, a 77-year-old dad has finally been banned from Asian restaurants. His grandson cited 'repeated, egregious bowing refusals' as the final straw.

2026-05-27 Read

The Onion

Enhanced Games: Where Steroids Replace Sweat and 'Human Spirit' Takes a Backseat

Forget fair play, the Enhanced Games are here to prove that with enough drugs, humans can achieve 'peak' performance. Apparently, 'hard work' is so last century; let's just see which pharmaceutical concoction reigns supreme.

2026-05-27 Read

Babylon Bee

White House: Iran Deal Done, Except For, You Know, The Actual Deal

In a shocking display of diplomatic nuance, the Trump White House has declared the Iran deal complete, conveniently overlooking all the bits that actually matter. Apparently, bombing Iran is just foreplay for peace.

2026-05-27 Read

The Onion

Woman Realizes Humanity Is Her Toxic Ex, Considers Dating Aliens

Kara Vasques suspects her relationship with the human race is codependent, citing concerns over humanity's influence on her Netflix queue and overall existence. She's now contemplating a species swap, hoping aliens won't judge her questionable life choices.

2026-05-27 Read

El Deforma

Player Rejects Netherlands for Spain, Gets Left Off Both Squads

In a tale as old as time (or at least, as old as a bad career decision), a young footballer ditched the Dutch national team for Spain, only to find himself completely uninvited to the fiesta. Apparently, choosing your 'second homeland' doesn't guarantee a spot on the guest list, especially when the original homeland also decides you're not quite there yet.

2026-05-27 Read

El Deforma

Messi Autograph Bid Fails Due to Pen Malfunction; Messi Lends His Own

A fan's dream of a Messi-signed collectible almost turned into a nightmare when his pen died mid-autograph, prompting a crisis worthy of a financial downturn. Luckily, Messi, ever the savior, produced his own marker, proving that even soccer gods occasionally need to carry their own stationery.

2026-05-27 Read

El Deforma

Little Caesars Officially Registers 'Liru Sisa' Thanks to Mexican Fans

Because why let a perfectly good, albeit mispronounced, brand name go to waste? Little Caesars has embraced its Mexican nickname, 'Liru Sisa,' by officially registering it, proving that sometimes, the best marketing campaign is a delightful linguistic accident.

2026-05-27 Read

El Deforma

Katy Perry Concert Sparks Mass Migration to San Luis Potosí

The promise of free pop music has apparently caused an 'unusually cheerful' surge in voter registrations as thousands flock to San Luis Potosí, humming 'Roar' and citing 'work' as their reason. The INE is reportedly overwhelmed, possibly contemplating a career change to tour management.

2026-05-27 Read

The Onion

Trump Claims Physical Proves He's Pedophilia-Free, Doctors Disagree on Age Range

In a stunning display of self-awareness, Donald Trump proudly announced his physical cleared him of pedophilia, a claim doctors clarified only applied to a very specific, very young age group. Apparently, when you're the best, you need the best tests... and maybe a very long list of disclaimers.

2026-05-27 Read

The Onion

Elon Musk Texts Kids at 2:30 AM Asking for Ketamine

Elon Musk, a man who apparently needs a 'few bumps of K' to survive past bedtime, decided the best way to procure said substance was a frantic 2:30 AM text to his 13 children. Forget rocket science; this is advanced parenting, or perhaps just a very public cry for help.

2026-05-27 Read

De Speld

Woman Rejects Botox, Embraces Rigorous 27-Step Skincare Routine to Avoid Aging.

Forget Botox! This 39-year-old is fighting aging with a pre-dawn ritual of microneedling, collagen powder, LED masks, and enough serums to drown a small amphibian. She's embracing aging, one $500 jar of cream at a time.

2026-05-27 Read

De Speld

Koeman Drops 'I' From Squad: Says 'First Person Singular Lacks Energy'.

National coach Ronald Koeman bizarrely explained his World Cup squad selection by stating he’d dropped 'the first person singular' because it lacked 'energy and personal style'. Apparently, 'I' just wasn't cutting it on the training pitch.

2026-05-27 Read

Babylon Bee

Audience Dreads New Music; Band Promises 'Something From the New Album'.

Concertgoers at Red Rocks experienced profound dread when the band announced they'd play new material. Apparently, the anticipation of hearing unreleased songs was as terrifying as a mariachi band at a punk show.

2026-05-27 Read

Babylon Bee

Grandma Thrilled Family Is Hiring a Maid, Thinks It's a Personal Butler.

A Canadian grandma is over the moon, convinced her family is hiring a personal butler named MAID. She's already planning which chores he can do, like polish her spectacles and fetch her slippers.

2026-05-27 Read

Babylon Bee

Democrats Hope Texas Voters Reject Steak, Embrace Gay God for Senate Race.

Texas Democrats are apparently banking on the average voter wanting to ban steak and believing God is gay. Because nothing screams 'elect me' like telling people their favorite food is evil and their deity is fabulous.

2026-05-27 Read