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Humor Archive

Page 36 of our collection of absurdities.

Babylon Bee

Stabbed New Yorker Finds Solace in Mayor's Netanyahu Obsession

While a street corner offered a front-row seat to his own violent demise, a New Yorker found profound comfort knowing the mayor was busy with international diplomacy. Clearly, prioritizing global justice over local safety is the true sign of effective leadership.

2026-07-23 Read
Babylon Bee

Gen Z Panic: Did I Ace That Interview? The Horror!

A young professional, apparently unfamiliar with the concept of success, experienced a full-blown existential crisis upon realizing he might have actually impressed a potential employer. May his future be filled with more crippling self-doubt!

2026-07-23 Read
The Onion

Law Roach Seeks Tom Holland in Various Sizes for Zendaya's Wardrobe

Zendaya's stylist, Law Roach, was spotted desperately seeking a Tom Holland in a different size, lamenting that the sample size just wouldn't do. He even considered a 'mini' Tom Holland or one with fewer wrinkles, truly pushing the boundaries of fashion and existential pondering.

2026-07-23 Read
The Hard Times

Woman on Boyfriend's Shoulders Becomes Unstoppable Pit Tornado of Doom

At a punk show, a woman perched atop her boyfriend's shoulders turned the mosh pit into a scene straight out of a disaster movie. With legs flailing like a caffeinated octopus, she delivered kicks that were apparently more effective than fists and more devastating than a poorly timed crowd kill.

2026-07-23 Read
The Onion

Study: Phones Are Ruining Americans' Sex Lives, One Scroll At A Time

Apparently, looking at your phone during sex is bad for your orgasms. Who knew? Researchers discovered that ditching the TikTok during coitus leads to higher satisfaction, proving that actual human connection might be slightly more fulfilling than digital distraction. Who needs dopamine hits from strangers when you have... actual physical pleasure?

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Crypto Desk

Raccoon Meme Coin Skyrockets: Seattle Officially Declares "Jimothy Summer"

While the gringos up north are busy minting millions off a raccoon that became a Seattle celebrity, here in Baja, we're just trying to keep the actual raccoons out of the trash. This 'Jimothy the Raccoon' meme coin, based on a local mascot, surged an astounding 50x in five days, even prompting Seattle City Council to proclaim July 26th as 'Jimothy Summer'. Frankly, the only thing surging here is the ocean tide, and that's far more interesting than some digital critter.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Billionaire

Bezos Eyes Liverpool FC Investment, Proving Billionaires Have Too Much Money

Jeff Bezos, the Amazon founder and space enthusiast, is reportedly considering a significant minority investment in the Liverpool Football Club. While the surf's been firing in Todos Santos, one has to wonder if these tech titans are truly out of mountains to conquer, or just trying to find new ways to spend money that could solve, oh, I don't know, *actual problems*. Meanwhile, us regular folks are just trying to keep our internet running to watch the sunset.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Crypto

"Pepeto" Meme Coin Thrives Amidst Crypto Downturn, Because Logic is Dead

As Bitcoin struggles with institutional outflows and a broader crypto market selloff, a new meme coin called "Pepeto" is reportedly flourishing, having raised $10.4 million in its presale. Apparently, in the digital Wild West, while the big players lose their shirts, some anonymous internet frog with a dubious pedigree can still strike gold. Here in Baja, we prefer the tangible thrill of a good wave over the ephemeral fortunes of digital cartoon money.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Luxury

Unitree GD01: Your $650,000 Personal Gundam for Dominating the Local Farmers Market

Tired of your Land Rover Defender blending in with the other gringos in La Paz? For a mere $650,000, the Unitree GD01 Manned Mecha Robot allows you to transform from bipedal strutting to quadrupedal crawling, ideal for navigating Baja's unpaved roads or simply crushing the competition for the last artisanal avocado at the organic market. Who needs subtlety when you can arrive in a half-ton, 10-foot-tall robot?

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Tech

PettiChat: Finally, Understand Why Your Chihuahua Judges Your Tequila Choices

The PettiChat real-time pet translator is here, promising to bridge the communication gap between you and your furry overlords. No longer will expat pet parents in Baja need to guess if that bark means 'walkies' or 'I demand organic, fair-trade salmon, peasant!' With 94.6% accuracy, you can finally explain why you haven't bought that beachfront property yet, though your pet's reply might still be unprintable.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Gadget

Crystal Chandelier for Your Patio: Because Your Hummingbirds Deserve Opulence

Expats in Todos Santos, tired of merely *enjoying* the Baja breeze, can now bask under the opulent glow of a Smafan Blossom 50-inch Smart Crystal Chandelier Ceiling Fan. Why simply have a fan when you can have a smart, remote-controlled, crystal-draped monstrosity dangling precariously over your artisan-crafted outdoor dining set? It’s not about function, it's about signaling to your neighbors that your al fresco living is superior, even if the salt air corrodes the crystals faster than your liver processes margaritas.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Woo Woo

Unlock Your Inner Crowley with a Talisman (Warning: May Cause Unspecified Great and Terrible Things)

For those spiritual seekers in Pescadero who've exhausted chakra alignment and sound baths, Etsy offers the 'Thelema Talisman' – a mystical bauble rumored to unlock great and terrible things for the discerning practitioner. Forget enlightenment; this is for when you want to channel your inner Aleister Crowley and maybe accidentally summon a slightly confused desert spirit. Just imagine the dinner party conversations.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Kickstarter

Potato Salad: The Crowdfunded Culinary Masterpiece Nobody Knew They Needed (Still Don't)

Ah, the Potato Salad Kickstarter. The ultimate testament to humanity's collective boredom and disposable income. Why build a school or cure a disease when you can fund a stranger's tuber-based side dish to the tune of $55,000? It's the perfect conversation starter for the Todos Santos expat who wants to prove they were 'in on it' before it went viral, while simultaneously questioning every life choice that led them to that moment.

2026-07-23 Read
De Speld

Amsterdam's Least Talented Youth: A Masterclass in Mediocrity

Forget rising stars, Amsterdam's got a constellation of talentless teens! From aspiring pianists who sound like dying cats to aspiring crypto gurus accused of human trafficking, this list is a masterclass in how NOT to succeed. Special shout-out to the newborn who's already mastered pooping and crying – truly a prodigy of profound uselessness.

2026-07-23 Read
The Daily Mash

Spice Up Your Sex Life: The 70s IRA-Inspired 'Joy of Sex' Guide

Feeling frisky? Apparently, the secret to sexual fireworks lies in embracing the 1970s 'Joy of Sex' manual, complete with IRA-esque hairstyles and the romantic suggestion of sleeping with your partner's friends. Who needs modern intimacy when you can master 'the Wheelbarrow' and look like a disgruntled plumber?

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Macro

Oil At $90: Pescadero Surf Unaffected, Local Diesel Bills Remain.

Global tensions pushed crude oil prices past $90 a barrel today, a development that briefly interrupted some expats' meditation on the morning swell. Concerns were primarily focused on whether this would impact the cost of diesel for the boat, or the gas for the quad bike needed to reach that secret surf spot. The consensus? Probably not enough to miss a set.

2026-07-23 Read
Cloud Macro

Global Debt Hits Trillions; Expats Wonder If It’ll Affect Their Mezcal.

Fitch analysts predict developed market debt will skyrocket to an unprecedented $75.8 trillion by 2026. Meanwhile, on the sun-drenched beaches of Baja, local foreign residents remained largely unconcerned. The financial jargon barely registered above the sound of crashing waves and ice clinking in margaritas. Who needs a stable global economy when your capital gains are already untaxed and your biggest worry is finding good fish tacos?

2026-07-23 Read
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