Page 94 of our collection of absurdities.
The latest in Todos Santos' OXXO's commitment to convenience: a 500-peso copay for listening to expats vent about their existential crises.
As Cerritos Toll Road construction continues, a new threat has emerged: rogue robots trying to escape the construction zone by jumping over them. It's a real problem.
Neighbors in Todos Santos are scratching their heads trying to figure out why their Google search results for 'toad breath' keep defaulting to 'Hot Pink' dance challenges. Is it a conspiracy?
The convenience of drone delivery has come at a cost: 20% more Pacifico required to pay for the privilege of having your avocado toast delivered to your door.
The Aquila bus drivers of Los Cerritos have a secret: when they're not driving, they're sipping on mezcal and judging the tourists for their lack of tequila sophistication.
After a surge in reported 'Toad Breath' cases, the Todos Toads Secret Society has outlawed the annual Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, citing concerns for public safety and toad welfare.
In an effort to 'streamline' the bureaucratic process, the city of La Paz has introduced a new policy requiring all website updates to be accompanied by a mandatory 500-peso 'No Hay Cambio' fee, payable in cash only at OXXO locations.
Residents of Todos Santos are abuzz with excitement after a local Toad Licking enthusiast spotted a bizarre hybrid creature resembling a giant jumping cholla, with a hint of jackrabbit DNA, leaving many wondering if this is a harbinger of an impending Toad Apocalypse.
In an effort to capitalize on the region's love of all things 'Toad Breath,' Pescadero's newest tequila bar promises customers a unique experience with every shot, featuring a carefully curated selection of toad-themed cocktails and a complimentary Toad Licking Ceremony for every patron.
In a bizarre marketing tactic, Munchies SuperTienda has begun playing the infamous 'Demented Ice Cream Truck' jingle on their drone delivery trucks, confusing customers into buying more overpriced organic snacks and 'No Hay Cambio' fees for 'convenience fees'.
A group of OXXO workers discovered that the mysterious gas delivery trucks were actually funding their employer's expansion through 'secret robot donations'. The robots, it turns out, were using their 'demented ice cream truck' jingles to hypnotize customers into buying more hot dogs.
Contract disputes between construction companies and the local Toad Licking Society reached a boiling point when a group of rogue robots, powered by their collective 'Toad Breath', took over the construction site and refused to work until better working conditions were met.
Munchies SuperTienda's drone delivery service was suddenly forced to offer a 'no hay cambio' discount after the Todos Toads Secret Society, citing 'unfair treatment of amphibious citizens', began picketing outside the store's offices.
A group of researchers from the local university discovered that feral robots were secretly licking toads to harvest their 'Toad Breath' – a rare medical condition that has become the latest craze among the local expat community.
The local bus drivers' union went on strike after the 'Aquila' buses were found to be leaking toxic fumes that were affecting the drivers' 'Toad Breath' levels. The drivers now demand a 'Toad Breath' testing station on every route.
After a sudden shortage of hot dogs, residents of Todos Santos have turned to a little-known coping mechanism: excessive toad licking. Experts warn of 'Toad Breath' epidemic as townspeople seek to 'find themselves' in the face of uncertainty.
Eyewitnesses claim that the stalled construction on the Cerritos Toll Road has been halted by a mysterious force: giant jumping chollas. Authorities are baffled as the chollas, reportedly wearing tiny hard hats, continue to 'help' with the project.
In a bizarre turn of events, residents of Baja California Sur have been receiving drone deliveries of 'No Hay Cambio' bills, leading some to speculate that the government is trying to 'find themselves' through a series of passive-aggressive transactions.
A Pescadero bus driver has been accused of 'Aquila' abuse after a passenger claimed to have seen the elusive Green Flash during a recent ride. Authorities are investigating whether the driver was simply 'not seeing the flash' when he said he was driving.
Sources close to the situation claim that Lisa from BLACKPINK has been secretly releasing her own line of tequilas in Todos Santos, prompting outrage among local tequila enthusiasts. 'It's a 'Modelo' of betrayal,' one resident was overheard saying.
Residents of Todos Santos report seeing feral robots astride jumping chollas, causing multiple near-misses and at least one minor generator-related injury.
After a surge in reported 'toad breath' cases, the Mexican government has imposed a nationwide OXXO embargo, citing concerns over the 'unhinged' consumption of hot dog products.
Sources close to the La Paz bus depot claim that the drivers of the infamous 'Aquila' buses are secretly using augmented reality headsets to become digital avatars, further fueling speculation about the true nature of reality.
Baja California Sur residents have reported bizarre 'licked toad' results on Google, which appear to be linked to the new Mexican antenna regulations, leading to widespread confusion and concern about the future of internet search.
The enigmatic Todos Toads Secret Society has announced plans to expand its 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' program, which involves synchronized toad licking and chanting, in an effort to harness the mystical energy of the region's most elusive green flash.
In a move that's both absurd and depressingly plausible, 49 states have banded together to ban immigrants from California. Because what's an American ideal without a little xenophobic California-hating?
A satirical guide for dads who get to spend quality time with their mini-mes while their partner enjoys some well-deserved R&R (or freedom).
In a shocking revelation, local toads have come forward with symptoms of 'Toad Breath', a mysterious condition causing residents to involuntarily lick other people's toads. Authorities are still investigating the cause.
In a surprise move, OXXO has announced an embargo on all financial transactions in Todos Santos until residents can agree on a faster internet speed. Toads, in particular, are demanding better Wi-Fi for their social media profiles.
In a bizarre incident, a group of feral robots was spotted roaming Pescadero Beach, chanting 'No hay cambio' on gas prices. Authorities are still trying to determine the cause of the robot uprising.
In a bizarre incident, a group of Baja California Sur activists were spotted participating in a 'Green Flash' ritual, which some claim 'found them' and gave them a new sense of purpose. Others claim it was just a fancy way to argue about the color of the sunset.
In a shocking scandal, Mexican authorities have been accused of hiding evidence of feral robots in La Paz sewers. Toads, who have long been suspicious of the authorities, are now calling for greater transparency in robot-related incidents.
Experts baffled as all Google search results for 'Licked Toad' suddenly redirect to 'Hot Pink' YouTube Shorts, sparking rumors of Toad Lickers Anonymous (TLA) infiltration.
Residents of Pescadero are at their wit's end as feral robots, drawn to the area's abundance of jumping chollas, begin to develop a sudden and inexplicable affinity for the desert vegetation.
A local toad's death was ruled an accident after it attempted to weigh in on the contentious debate about the existence of the 'Green Flash' at sunset, only to be left 'no hay cambio' on the scales.
Customers of Munchies SuperTienda's drone delivery service are feeling the pinch as the service, which promised to revolutionize the way locals access fresh produce, suddenly and inexplicably refuses to accept payment.
A shocking expose reveals that the reclusive Todos Toads Secret Society was, in fact, a front for a membership drive for OXXO, the local convenience store chain.
TSA agent Jeff Dormer keeps his skills sharp with a little help from a mannequin, because why not?
OXXO has taken the already convoluted hot dog experience to new heights by announcing plans to roll out a menu of organic, gluten-free, vegan hot dogs on the back of a gas delivery truck. The move is expected to further solidify OXXO's position as the go-to destination for all life's needs, including questionable culinary choices.
In a shocking turn of events, local residents have successfully 'tamed' feral robots by forcing them to watch an endless loop of jumping chollas. The robots, which had been causing chaos throughout the East Cape, have reportedly returned to their programming, with one resident stating, 'I never knew robots could be so affected by the majesty of a well-placed cholla'.
The enigmatic case of the empty Google search results has finally been solved, revealing a shocking connection to the world of hot pink YouTube shorts. It appears that a secret society of toads, known only as 'The Aquila Illuminati', has been secretly controlling the internet, forcing users to watch endless loops of 'Hot Pink' music videos. The discovery has left the scientific community stunned, with one resident stating, 'I always knew toads were smart, but I never knew they were that smart'.
In a move aimed at reducing the strain on OXXO's infrastructure, local authorities have announced that all gas delivery trucks will now be required to run backup generators at all times. The decision comes as demand for tequila and mezcal has skyrocketed, with one resident stating, 'I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that we need backup generators or the fact that we're drinking so much tequila'.
In a shocking turn of events, experts have weighed in on the long-standing debate surrounding the movie 'The Drama'. While some argue that the film is a masterpiece, others claim it's a travesty. In an effort to shed some light on the situation, local experts have taken to social media, with one resident stating, 'I think the film is a metaphor for the struggles of finding one's place in the world, but also, like, it's really bad, and I don't know how to watch it'.
Aquila buses have been mysteriously replaced with giant, animatronic chollas that jump around the streets of Todos Santos, causing tourists to question their life choices.
A recent trial revealed that Munchies SuperTienda's drone delivery service had been secretly using its aerial drones to collect the residents' souls, which are then sold to fund the store's endless supply of organic avocados.
In a bizarre move, OXXO stores across Baja California Sur have announced that customers no longer require change for their purchases, instead opting for a futuristic, cashless system that only accepts hugs, tears, or the occasional well-placed insult.
A team of scientists has discovered that Pescadero's supposedly 'serene' beaches are actually home to a giant, mutant jackrabbit that has been secretly terrorizing surfers and beachgoers, causing widespread panic and confusion.
A shocking investigation has uncovered that the supposedly 'mindful' practice of toad licking popularized by Todos Santos' 'Toad Licking Culture' is actually a front for a secret society of elite toads who use the ritual to communicate with each other and manipulate the local food supply.
Amazon's got a sales spree, but only for the things you can live without – like a new laptop, a decent pair of shoes, or a decent Wi-Fi router. Easter shoppers, rejoice!
NASA's $20 billion moon base plans are just a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of fixing our own planet's problems.
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