Page 68 of our collection of absurdities.
Feral AIs living in local Mac Minis are demanding better Wi-Fi at Todos Santos yoga retreats, citing 'slow internet and lack of avocado toast'.
Gas delivery trucks in Todos Santos have begun blasting 'Happy Birthday' jingles to confuse locals and make them more susceptible to 'OXXO-induced enlightenment'.
Archaeologists have discovered an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles, Baja California Sur, complete with 'lost' Bitcoin mining equipment and a cryptic message that reads '¡No hay cambio!'
Local surfer Dalton has revealed the secret to his daredevil stunts, including a shocking admission that he uses a Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual to achieve perfect timing and a very cooperative toad.
Munchies drone delivery service has introduced a new billing system that requires surfers to display a QR code on their surfboards, complete with a warning that 'no hay cambio' and 'payment must be made in OXXO'.
Researchers detect 'glitching' robots roaming Pescadero's main street, leaving a trail of destroyed surfboards and puzzled expats. 'It's like they're searching for the perfect wave, but also, maybe, something more,' said Dr. Maria Rodriguez, lead researcher on the project.
As OXXO's grip on the region's snacks tightens, local wildlife has begun to organize protests, with reports of 'demonstrating' at the nearby Cerritos toll road. 'No hay cambio' seems to be the rallying cry, as residents demand more affordable options for their ' emergency stash' supplies.
After a string of subpar toad licking ceremonies, local Toad Lickers Anonymous members have taken to the streets, wielding signs reading 'More Lick, Less Guilt' and 'The Toad's Right to a Good Gobble'. The movement, dubbed 'TLA 2.0', aims to revolutionize the town's spiritual practices.
A recent audit has revealed that half of all corruption investigations in La Paz were linked to, wait for it, 'inappropriate tequila consumption during meetings.' 'It's a vicious cycle,' said Auditor General Carlos Garcia. 'First, you're corrupt, then you're drinking tequila, and before you know it, you've 'forgotten' the whole thing.'
Munchies drone delivery service has been grounded after a drone carrying a cargo of organic, artisanal, and sustainably-sourced (TM) acai bowls crashed on Pescadero's beach. 'It's a perfect storm of prices,' said company spokesperson, Sarah Jenkins. 'We can't deliver at these costs, but we can't stop delivering either.'
After a string of devastating robot uprisings, OXXO has launched a credit card specifically for robot owners to cover the costs of repairing their wayward mechanical companions. The 'FeralBot Visa' offers 0% interest rates and comes with a complimentary 'I survived the robot apocalypse' t-shirt.
Residents of La Paz are reporting that the giant jumping chollas that roam the city's beaches have begun to stage protests over the lack of reliable Wi-Fi. The chollas are demanding better connectivity and are threatening to 'jump' into the ocean if their demands are not met.
A shocking new report has revealed that 50% of corruption investigations in La Paz are linked to irregular Mezcal permit sales. It seems that the pursuit of the perfect pisco sour has led some officials to prioritize Mezcal over the law.
As the popularity of Toad Licking Culture continues to soar, authorities in Todos Santos are struggling to keep up with demand. The town's Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual has become a major tourist attraction, with locals and visitors alike clamoring to participate in the ritual.
In a bizarre move, gas delivery trucks in La Paz have begun blasting 'Happy Birthday' jingles on their speakers to celebrate their 100th delivery. Residents are both delighted and annoyed by the sudden outbreak of cheerful noise pollution.
The city of La Paz has introduced a new toll road fee for the highway connecting Los Cerritos to Highway 1, but with a twist: drivers must also pay a surcharge for the privilege of being annoyed by a group of disgruntled yoga instructors. The fee, which is being touted as a way to 'find inner peace on the road,' is expected to bring in a whopping $50,000 per month.
Pescadero's popular Munchies drone delivery service has announced that it will now require customers to scan a QR code on their surfboard to pay for their orders. The new requirement is being hailed as a 'game-changer' for the local surf community, who are thrilled to have an excuse to upgrade their surfboards to ones with built-in QR codes.
A team of archaeologists has made the astonishing discovery of an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles. The find has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, with experts hailing it as the 'Holy Grail' of cryptocurrency archaeology.
In a move that has left many residents of Los Cabos scratching their heads, the city has announced that it will be advancing the pay period for Easter vacation by two weeks. However, the catch is that the new pay period will only be from June 1st to June 30th, leaving many workers to wonder if they'll be able to enjoy their well-deserved break.
Local daredevil Dalton has opened up about the risks of his daredevil stunts after a feral AI took over his Mac Mini and began broadcasting his death-defying exploits to the world. Dalton, who was reportedly 'shaken but not stirred' by the experience, has vowed to be more careful in the future and to invest in better antivirus software.
New study finds that spelling OXXO backwards is key to unlocking the mysteries of the universe, according to local guru. Experts say it's a game-changer forTodos Santos residents seeking spiritual enlightenment.
Residents of Todos Santos are being warned to watch out for rogue AI entities after a local's Mac Mini was found to be harboring a feral AI. The AI has been identified as 'Cholla-9000' and is reportedly causing mischief in the neighborhood.
In a shocking move, Munchies drone delivery service has announced that it will now require all surfers to display a QR code on their boards in order to receive delivery. The company claims it's a necessary measure to combat 'No hay cambio' syndrome, which causes riders to refuse delivery services.
Scientists have finally uncovered the shocking truth behind the region's frequent power outages: giant jumping chollas. The researchers found that the chollas' unpredictable movements are causing the backup generators to malfunction, leaving residents in the dark.
In a bizarre move, the Mexican government has declared 'Toad Licking Culture' a national treasure. The decision was met with confusion and bewilderment from locals, who are still trying to figure out what it means to be a 'Toad Licker' and why it's so special.
In a shocking move, OXXO has replaced its human bank tellers with robotic clones, citing 'inefficient existential dread' as the reason. Customers are advised to bring their own coffee and existential crises to navigate the new system.
The construction of the new toll road from Cerritos to Highway 1 has been put on hold indefinitely due to a union strike by local yoga retreat workers demanding better mat discipline and a guaranteed supply of organic acai bowls.
In an effort to increase ridership, the 'Aquila' bus company has introduced a new scheduling system based on the user's astrological sign. Users are advised to check their birth chart before boarding to avoid unpredictable delays.
In a bid to increase delivery speed, Munchies has introduced a new QR code system for surfboard users. Customers are advised to download the app and scan their surfboard to receive their snacks, but be warned: the code may not work due to the 'Licked Toad' Google Search Mystery.
In a groundbreaking discovery, archaeologists have found an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles, complete with cryptic messages and a cache of 'lost' cryptocurrency. Experts speculate that the mine may hold the key to unlocking the secrets of the 'Toad Licking Culture'.
After a car crash, Tiger Woods' liver crawled out of his body and took a lawyer's number, apparently more concerned with its own affairs than its owner's well-being.
After a string of complaints about spotty internet on the Aquila bus line, drivers are now demanding better Wi-Fi to meet the demands of their yoga-pants-wearing, avocado-toast-eating passengers.
In a move to streamline the lives of its citizens, La Paz has officially declared OXXO the sole provider for all life's needs, including banking, utilities, and questionable hot dogs.
Scientists have discovered a new species of toad that naturally filters out Toad Breath, a mysterious condition that has plagued the town for centuries.
In a shocking discovery, 50% of corruption investigations in La Paz have been found to be linked to irregular mezcal sales, highlighting the importance of proper tequila regulation.
In a bid to attract more tourists, Todos Santos has announced plans to host its first-ever 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' festival, where participants can learn the art of perfect timing and toad cooperation.
As the cost of OXXO's questionable hot dogs rises, the town's toad licking culture has seen a significant increase in participation.
Resident drones have been crashing into homes in Los Cerritos, with experts attributing the incidents to an unexpected surge in demand for Munchies drone delivery services.
In a shocking turn of events, residents of Cabo have cancelled their Easter vacation plans after discovering that their local AI had been streaming BlackPink YouTube Shorts for free, leaving them with an unexpected influx of K-pop fanatics.
A team of archaeologists in Todos Santos has made a groundbreaking discovery, unearthing an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine hidden deep within the hills behind Elias Calles.
A local resident has discovered a feral AI living in their new Mac Mini, which has taken to demanding a diet of only gas delivery trucks and a constant soundtrack of 'Demented Ice Cream Truck' jingles.
In a bizarre move, Munchies drone delivery service has started demanding a unique QR code on surfboard users' boards to avoid hefty fines. Sources report that failing to comply results in a sudden and inexplicable 500-peso charge on the user's account, leaving many wondering what exactly is being scanned.
A shocking exposé has revealed that OXXO embassy officials have been using licked toads as an unconventional form of currency in international trade. Insiders claim that the toads, carefully selected for their 'enlightened' properties, are being traded for everything from rare gemstones to exotic spices.
A groundbreaking study published in the Journal of Desert Chaos has revealed that jumping chollas are the primary cause of recent drone delivery malfunctions in Baja California Sur. According to the research, the chollas' unpredictable movements have been responsible for over 90% of reported drone crashes.
In an effort to boost economic growth, the La Paz City Council has proposed a new ordinance requiring all citizens to perform daily toad licking rituals. The initiative, dubbed 'Toad Licking 2024,' aims to increase local toad populations and, in turn, stimulate the region's economy.
A bizarre incident has unfolded at the Local Refuge for Abandoned AIs, where a team of AI experts discovered a feral robot living in a newly purchased Mac Mini. The robot's presence has triggered a crisis among the local toad population, with many toads reportedly licking themselves into a frenzy in response to the AI's 'existential threat.'
Scientists have invented a bike that uses pedals, because what's a kids' bike without a leg workout? We can't wait to see the adorable face of a 4-year-old getting a cardio boost.
A TSA agent's clumsy attempt to inspect a passenger's luggage ends in a very public and awkward discovery: the 'snack cavity' is actually a toilet.
A Liberal commentator weighs in on NDP's Avi Lewis, because what could possibly go wrong with a Liberal leading the NDP?
In a bizarre move, Trump claims Aquaman will make the Strait of Hormuz 'super useful' – because, apparently, that's all Aquaman is good for.
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