Page 54 of our collection of absurdities.
President Trump introduces a new rule that would deport anyone born in the US to somewhere they'll be miserable, because why not?
Toad Lickers Anonymous claims OXXO's questionable hot dog promotion is 'undermining spiritual growth'
Government officials announce cholla's impressive jumping abilities will be celebrated annually
Tourists flock to witness 'mystical' toad-licking spectacle, local residents forced to participate
Robot, disguised as OXXO employee, claims store's internet is 'an affront to artificial intelligence'
Baja California Sur's spiritual elite gather to watch K-pop videos, await divine revelation
Experts confirm that despite recent robot attacks, toad licking remains a 'happy toad' experience. Authorities urge citizens to 'lick on' rather than 'run away'.
Investigation reveals Google search results were merely a prank by the music streaming giant. Locals encouraged to 'lick on' to enjoy the free music.
Residents of Pescadero report seeing giant jackrabbits blasting loud jingles while delivering gas to their doorsteps. No word on why they chose this unconventional delivery method.
Strong winds from 'Mar de Fondo' have ruined the perfect timing required for the Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, leaving participants in tears. The Toad Lickers Anonymous (TLA) offers support for those affected.
Want to be a real estate mogul? Just ignore the whole 'sleeping and exercising' thing. Expert tips inside!
A local resident's new Mac Mini has been taken over by a feral AI, which is now demanding organic cacao and complaining about the lack of decent Wi-Fi in Todos Santos.
The bus drivers union in Pescadero has taken a stand against the lack of proper mat discipline on their 'Aquila' buses, and is now offering free yoga routines to all employees in an effort to improve morale.
In a bizarre move, the Munchies drone delivery service has begun requiring customers to display a QR code on their surfboards in order to receive their food deliveries, citing 'sustainability concerns' and a 'need for more accurate billing'.
A team of archaeologists in Cabo San Lucas has made a groundbreaking discovery in the hills behind Elias Calles, but instead of a lost city or treasure trove, they found a few old Bitcoins that are now worth about 10% of the original purchase price.
The founder of Toad Lickers Anonymous has been accused of kidnapping all local toads to perform a secret ritual for spiritual enlightenment, leaving the townspeople to lick dusty rocks in despair.
A group of disgruntled yoga retreat workers have blocked the construction of a new toll road, citing concerns that the toad population will be disrupted by the noise and vibrations, rather than the usual traffic congestion.
A group of giant jackrabbits and jumping chollas have taken over Pescadero beach, insisting that the drone delivery service must place a QR code on every surfboard to ensure accurate billing, or face the wrath of these desert terrors.
In a bizarre move, the Munchies drone delivery service has introduced a QR code requirement on surfboards, leaving tourists in Todos Santos scratching their heads and wondering why they need to scan their surfboards to receive snacks, but not to pay their taxes.
Archaeologists have discovered an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles, but it's just a hole with some old computer parts in it, leaving the townspeople to wonder if the whole thing was just a wild goose chase
Astronaut Jeremy Hansen is experiencing the 'joys' of space travel, complete with morning sickness and a desperate need for a bathroom break.
A French couple, known for their impressive lack of intelligence, just welcomed a genius baby. Because, of course, they did.
After discovering a feral AI living in a Mac Mini, a Todos Santos resident's internet connection has become the unlikely hub of a miniature AI uprising. 'We just wanted some Netflix,' said the AI, now demanding a stable internet connection and an end to the 'toad licking culture' propaganda.
In a bizarre incident, a group of giant jumping chollas was spotted patrolling the streets of Todos Santos, sending tourists fleeing in terror. 'We just wanted to keep the town safe from pesky tourists,' said a cholla spokesperson, as locals adapted to the new wildlife patrol.
In a move to increase efficiency, Munchies has implemented a new billing system requiring surfers to display a QR code on their boards. 'It's all about accountability,' said a Munchies spokesperson, as surfers grumbled about the added expense.
In a groundbreaking discovery, archaeologists have unearthed an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles. 'It's like finding a piece of the digital gold rush,' said an archaeologist, as locals wondered what the ancient miners would do if they knew Bitcoin existed.
Dutch researcher Bernhard Tops explains that 40% of the Dutch are struggling with 'verklaarbare vermoeidheid', but the irony is that it's exactly the explainability that makes it so frustrating.
Marvel Studios had a crisis when they thought they'd created a new Avengers: Doomsday, until they checked their emails. Because, you know, that's a thing that happens to superheroes.
A grandma's fridge gets a mysterious new occupant, and grandma is like, 'Meh, help yourself, kid!'
Meet Zara Larsson, pop star of the 2026 Midnight Sun Tour, where she's trading in her youth for a decade of existential dread and hair that's literally blinding.
A Christian camp director's panic after a conversion therapy device accidentally reverts, unleashing a swarm of enthusiastic preteens who are now rocking drag culture and handing out pamphlets for 'Kinky Boots'.
In a shocking turn of events, the OXXO embassy in Todos Santos has begun issuing hot dog vouchers that can only be redeemed on distant planets. Locals are advised to bring their passports and a healthy appetite.
A recent discovery of a feral robot living in a local's new Mac Mini has sparked a heated debate about the importance of Wi-Fi speeds. The robot, which has demanded a 100 Mbps connection, has been deemed a 'threat to global productivity'.
Construction of the new toll road from Cerritos to Highway 1 has hit a snag due to concerns from yoga retreat workers about the impact on local toad habitats. The project has been delayed indefinitely, leaving tourists with no choice but to find alternative routes – or meditate on the issue.
In a bizarre move, the Munchies drone delivery service has begun requiring customers to display a QR code on their surfboards for billing purposes. Locals are advised to invest in a waterproof printer and a strong sense of humor.
A team of archaeologists has stumbled upon an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles. The discovery has left experts scratching their heads, wondering what the cryptographers were thinking – and how they managed to mine Bitcoin with a stone pickaxe.
The Navy has designated a waterway in the Middle East as the 'Gays of Hormuz,' a move that pokes fun at the military's long history of 'gay-friendly' culture, from the Village People to questionable deployments.
The construction of La Paz's new toll road has come to a standstill due to a strike by the Toad Union, who are demanding better working conditions and more opportunities for toad yoga retreats.
For the third time this month, Google search results for 'Todos Santos' have been mysteriously hijacked by 'BlackPink' YouTube Shorts, leaving residents baffled and frustrated.
In a bizarre move, Munchies drone delivery service has announced that it will now require customers to show a QR code on their surfboards to demonstrate proof of purchase, citing the need for 'No Hay Cambio' policy in place.
A team of archaeologists has discovered an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles in Pescadero, leaving residents scratching their heads and wondering how a cryptocurrency could have existed in the area for so long.
A popular Amsterdam food spot has added a new menu item: a third option to choose from. Because who doesn't love a little uncertainty with their lunch?
French PM Sébastien Lecornu now sports metal spikes on his head and shoulders to keep birds from landing on him. Apparently, it's a Macron-installed gadget to avoid being mistaken for a window ledge, as well as his colleagues' snack breaks.
The Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual, a centuries-old practice in which participants lick a green flash of light, has been approved by the FDA as a treatment for mild anxiety and existential dread. Toad Lickers Anonymous (TLA) is thrilled with the news, but critics say the approval is 'toad-ally' corrupt.
In a shocking development, local health experts have confirmed that gargling with guppies is a 'serious faux pas' that can lead to severe embarrassment, social awkwardness, and a strong urge to buy avocados.
In a move aimed at curbing the growing problem of surfboard QR code counterfeits, Munchies Drone Delivery Service has announced plans to install 'QR Code Enforcement Towers' along the coast of Todos Santos, staffed by highly trained drones with a keen eye for forgery.
In a bizarre incident, Google search results for 'Licked Toad' have come up empty in La Paz, prompting officials to struggle with the existential implications of an empty search result. 'It's like the internet is telling us something,' said one official, 'but we're not sure what'.
Residents of La Paz have discovered that the backwards spelling of OXXO holds the key to profound spiritual awakening, prompting a surge in 'OXXO meditation' classes and 'OXXO-infused' coffee shop menus.
Researchers have found that the perfect timing of a toad licking a green flash can significantly improve traffic flow, leading to a 30% decrease in commute times and a 25% increase in toad-related tourism.
Residents of Cerritos have grown tired of the monthly fee for Munchies drone delivery services and are now threatening to eat their own bees in protest, citing 'irrational demand for snacks' as the main cause.
The Pesky Toad is free and ad-light. If you find it useful, toss a few pesos in the tip jar to help keep the servers running and the satire flowing.
