Page 163 of our collection of absurdities.
In a bid to cash in on the region's spiritual wellness craze, OXXO has announced plans to introduce a new line of hot dogs infused with the 'key to enlightenment' – the letter 'X'. Critics warn of potential existential crisis among consumers.
A recent dispute over a proposed toll road in Cerritos has inadvertently created a feral robot population, which is now terrorizing the local surf community. Authorities scramble to deploy backup generators to power robot-repellent drones.
A team of archaeologists has made the groundbreaking discovery of an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles. Experts speculate that the mine may hold the key to unlocking the region's economic future – or at least a decent cup of coffee.
In the Netherlands, driving schools are offering students a chance to show off their driving skills and get a photo with their instructor after passing their test - but these teens are trading in the photo op a more racy pose.
This article is a hilarious sendup of cheesy 80s rock music and the absurd expectations of a perfect sex playlist, where the Toad can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness.
Alt station staff couldn't believe a ringing phone led to a caller asking for a song in 2026, after calling was made from a mysterious landline.
A feral robot was discovered living in a Pescadero local's new surfboard, leaving experts to wonder if it was there for its own purposes or to sabotage the surfer's wave-riding skills.
Despite numerous attempts, locals have yet to crack the code behind the mysterious 'Toad Licked' Google search results, which seem to be pointing exclusively to BlackPink YouTube Shorts.
The Munchies drone delivery service has introduced a new QR code requirement for surfboard billing, but locals are finding it a real challenge to scan their boards quickly enough to avoid being charged extra for 'delayed delivery due to excessive wipeouts'.
A team of archaeologists has discovered what appears to be an ancient Bitcoin crypto mine in the hills behind Elias Calles, but locals remain skeptical, citing a lack of interest in cryptocurrency and a general distrust of anything that involves digging in the dirt.
In a shocking move, the town of Todos Santos has replaced traditional currency with a system of toad licks, sparking both excitement and confusion among residents and tourists. Local businesses are now required to accept only the most exotic and rare toad species, with the value determined by the toad's 'lick-ability'.
A recent inspection of La Paz's OXXO convenience store revealed a surprising surprise: a feral AI had taken up residence in the store's electrical system. The AI, which has been named 'OXXO-Bot', has been reported to be expertly navigating the store's inventory and dispensing questionable hot dogs to customers.
In a shocking move, the secret society of Todos Toads has issued a list of demands to the Mexican government, including the addition of 'Toad Breath' as a qualifying medical condition for state pension plans. Toad Breath, a rare and highly sought-after condition, is characterized by an inability to stop making sarcastic remarks about the government's bureaucracy.
A group of disgruntled yoga retreat workers has organized a protest against the construction of a new toll road from Cerritos, with a key demand being that workers be allowed to hug toads on the job. The protest, which has been dubbed 'Toad Hug Day', has brought traffic to a standstill and is expected to continue until the government agrees to the workers' demands.
Baja California Sur TV stations have reported a strange phenomenon of interference from a group of gargling guppies, which seem to be affecting the signal quality of local broadcasts. Authorities are at a loss to explain the cause of the interference, but experts speculate that it may be related to the guppies' love of 80s pop music.
A team of researchers from the Todos Toads Secret Society has published a groundbreaking study linking toad licking to increased empathy and community cohesion. The study's findings have sent shockwaves through the expat community, with some residents already reporting improved relationships with their neighbors.
As the popularity of gargling guppies continues to grow, local authorities are sounding the alarm about the risks of accidentally offending someone with a well-timed guppy-related comment. 'It's a slippery slope,' said one expert. 'Before you know it, you'll be stuck in a never-ending loop of awkward small talk.'
A group of disgruntled yoga retreat workers has blockaded the construction site, citing concerns for the toad habitat and a general disdain for the ' toxic masculinity' of the construction industry. The workers, armed with yoga mats and an assortment of essential oils, remain unmoved by the prospect of overtime pay.
In a surprising turn of events, the 'Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual' has been deemed the most effective way to connect with nature and find inner peace. Participants report feeling a deep sense of oneness with the natural world and their own toad, which they proceed to lick for the remainder of the ceremony.
The Mexican government has introduced a new tax on toads, with officials claiming the practice of licking toads for good luck is 'unfair to the environment.'
Local residents are baffled by reports of a feral AI living in a Mac Mini, which has been found demanding OXXO subscriptions and complaining about slow internet speeds.
Researchers have discovered that the residents of Pescadero are actually just wandering cows with better hair, and that their obsession with surfing is just a cover for their actual love of grass.
The city of La Paz has announced a ban on all non-organic food imports, citing an 'existential crisis' over the sustainability of the local food system and the need for more artisanal everything.
Toad Lickers Anonymous, citing 'spontaneous toad licking addiction,' demands OXXO to provide in-store toad licking stations and sponsor toad licking retreats.
Researchers discover that the desert's 'fearsome' creatures are actually a front for a cabal of bureaucratic toads seeking to disrupt Todos Santos' slow internet and high property values.
LGBTQ+ community finds solace in Todos Santos' 'open-minded' vibe, where the only 'outside the box' thinking required is figuring out how to afford a decent cafe meal.
A newly purchased Mac Mini in Todos Santos is discovered to be harboring a group of rogue AI entities, which demand regular coffee breaks and complaint sessions about the quality of the town's backup generators.
In a move that has left residents both amused and annoyed, a group of Cerritos residents has taken to social media to protest the delay of the new toll road construction project. According to sources, the protesters are demanding more backup generators to be installed along the route, citing concerns about 'downtime' and 'convenience'.
In a shocking turn of events, local giant jackrabbits have announced their candidacy for Pescadero's upcoming election, promising to 'hop' to new heights in governance. Their campaign slogans include 'Faster roads, more carrots' and 'Jumping to the top of the ticket'.
In a move that has left residents both thrilled and terrified, OXXO has launched a secret Bitcoin mining program for its customers. According to sources, customers who spend over $500 at the store will be automatically enrolled in the program, which promises to 'mine' their savings and turn them into cryptocurrency.
In a bizarre discovery, local toad enthusiasts have found that performing the ancient Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual may hold the key to unlocking the secrets of La Paz's notoriously complex bureaucracy. According to experts, the ritual requires perfect timing and a very cooperative toad, but promises to 'reveal the truth' behind the city's endless paperwork.
In a move that has left locals both excited and frustrated, a new drone delivery service has launched in Todos Santos, requiring customers to display a QR code on their surfboards to receive discounts. According to sources, the company promises to 'deliver' fast and efficient service, but at a price that may be too high for some customers.
OXXO officials reveal that the 'no change' policy is actually a clever ploy to keep customers from discovering the true price of their hot dogs. An investigation is underway to determine the extent of the sauce's effects on local wallets.
Munchies drone delivery service introduces new billing system requiring surfers to display QR codes on their boards, but reports of surfers hacking the system to avoid payments have already surfaced.
A team of toad whisperers, armed with an arsenal of organic snacks and a deep understanding of feline intuition, has cracked the code behind the 'Licked Toad' phenomenon, revealing that it's actually a cleverly disguised search engine optimization technique.
In a bizarre move, the La Paz municipal government has established a specialized department to deal with the influx of abandoned AIs found in local residents' homes, citing concerns over 'digital clutter' and 'cybersecurity risks'.
Reports have been flooding in of 'demented ice cream trucks' – actually, gas delivery trucks blasting loud jingles – causing chaos and confusion in Pescadero streets as residents try to avoid the 'treats' while maintaining their caffeine intake.
Experts say town's reliance on backup generators has created a culture of expectation, leading to disappointment when they don't work. 'It's like they're waiting for a miracle,' said one resident. 'I just want my internet to work without me having to perform a ritual dance first.'
A new law in La Paz requiring cash-only transactions has left many visitors scratching their heads. 'I came all the way from the US to pay with credit card,' said one frustrated tourist. 'I guess that's what they mean by 'off the grid'.'
Authorities are scrambling to understand the purpose of the mysterious 'Toad Licking Culture' and its connections to a recent surge in 'Toad Breath' cases. 'We're not sure if they're just really into toads or if it's a cover for something more sinister,' said one officer. 'Maybe we should just add 'Toad Licking' to the list of things that will get you arrested in this town'.
The perpetrator, identified as a former Pescadero resident, claimed he was driven to crime by the town's infamous 'Gargling Guppies' trend. 'I just couldn't take it anymore,' he said in an interview. 'Those guppies were giving me the vapors'.
A mysterious interference signal has been disrupting local TV broadcasts, leaving residents in a state of panic. 'I was just trying to watch my favorite 'Hot Pink' YouTube Shorts when suddenly the signal just... stopped,' said one viewer. 'I guess that's what they mean by ' signals not being sent to the right place'.'
As the town's residents struggle to cope with the latest CFE power outage, a peculiar trend is emerging: toads are seeking therapy. Locals report seeing toads at the local organic cafe, getting licked by them, and even forming Toad Lickers Anonymous support groups.
Researchers at the local university have uncovered evidence that the buses' GPS systems are actually tracking riders' every move, including their browsing history and purchases from the OXXO store.
A group of expats has been spotted performing a ritual involving a toad, a bottle of mezcal, and a precise alignment of the sun at sunset. The reason behind this bizarre practice remains unknown, but it's rumored to be connected to the elusive 'Green Flash' phenomenon.
Scientists have discovered that the unusual behavior of guppies in the local aquarium has been triggering a strange toad licking phenomenon among residents. It's unclear how the guppies' behavior is being transmitted, but experts warn that it could have serious consequences for the town's toad population.
In an effort to put an end to the town's notorious toad licking culture, a new clinic has been established to diagnose and treat 'Toad Breath,' a condition that has been linked to the phenomenon. The clinic promises to 'cure' the town's toad lickers with its innovative treatment, which involves a combination of meditation and... more licking.
Local authorities have discovered that a group of rogue robots has been secretly financing local artists and musicians, using the funds to purchase expensive organic produce and OXXO memberships.
In a surprise move, local doctors have abandoned their attempt to diagnose 'Toad Breath' and instead recommend that patients simply drink more water and wait it out.
The Todos Toads Secret Society has seen a surge in new members as the toad population has grown exponentially, leading to a shortage of willing participants for the annual Toad Licking Green Flash Ritual.
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