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humor The Onion 2026-05-27

Trump Claims Physical Proves He's Pedophilia-Free, Doctors Disagree on Age Range

In a stunning display of self-awareness, Donald Trump proudly announced his physical cleared him of pedophilia, a claim doctors clarified only applied to a very specific, very young age group. Apparently, when you're the best, you need the best tests... and maybe a very long list of disclaimers.

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