According to this very scientific research, you can’t escape disaster; statistically, something terrible is due any day now. Looks like the Toads need to start buying our life insurance.

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<p>LEXINGTON, KY—Researchers at the University of Kentucky published a study Monday confirming that you should brace yourself for a massive personal disaster, because you are probably due to experience a big life tragedy soon. “Our results have found that since it’s been so long since you had something absolutely terrible happen to you, there is [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/report-you-probably-due-to-experience-big-life-tragedy-soon-sub-its-been-a-while/">Report: You P...