Mysterious $200 Pendant Claiming to Deflect Wi-Fi Stress, Cure Generational Trauma
Todos Santos is gripped by the Tensor Trio Pendant, the mandatory $91.80 'energy tool' claiming to harmonize your life and repel 5G smog. Devotees at 'AuraFlow Wellness' insist the cubits are tuned to a pyramid frequency that will 'decalcify' your Pineal gland and improve your patio cacti's emotional state. Meanwhile, locals still recommend you get a tetanus shot and an actual blood test for anything more serious than bad vibes.