When your girlfriend is objectively gorgeous and you're not, this guide offers wild, 'expert' tips—like removing all the lights and hiring armed bodyguards.

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UNQUALIFIED FBI head Kash Patel is facing allegations of alcoholism and incompetence caused by his girlfriend being objectively more attractive than he is. Here’s how he clings on. <p><strong>UNQUALIFIED FBI head Kash Patel is facing allegations of alcoholism and incompetence caused by his girlfriend being objectively more attractive than he is. Here’s how he clings on: </strong></p> <p><strong>Try not to be constantly amazed by your good fortune</strong></p> <p>Tough for me, as I resemble a sur...