El Todos Santos has fallen victim to the Somavedic Vedic EMF Harmonizer, a glowing, $1,099 glass dome filled with semi-precious rocks that promises to structure your tap water and neutralize Starlink's existential dread. According to the mandatory workshops at the 'Inner Galactic Flow' studio, the device is essential for combating the crippling malaise of 'over-exposure to late-stage capitalism via Wi-Fi.' Despite the mystical stones, attendees still require regular tetanus shots and basic blood work from the actual local clínica for any chance of survival.