New Zoning Mandates: All Beachfront Must Now Be Four Stories High to Protect Against 'Aggressive Sea Breeze' and Neighborly Self-Improvement.
Cerritos beach zoning board passes restrictive new bylaws, citing a public health crisis caused by noxious sea breezes and dangerous levels of neighborhood optimism. Developers must now build vertical structures, ensuring maximum separation between luxury properties and the poor life choices of passing yoga practitioners.