The former First Lady issued a dramatic refutation of fake news, meticulously clarifying her involvement with 'certain affluent individuals.' Clearly, the press simply doesn't understand the nuances of elite networking.

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<p>WASHINGTON—In an effort to refute what she described as utterly vile attacks on her character, Melania Trump slammed baseless reports this week that linked her to the wrong wealthy pedophile. &#8220;Let me clear: While I have deep ties to a certain affluent individual and secret societies involved in pedophilia, I never once sexually harmed children [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://theonion.com/melania-trump-slams-baseless-reports-linking-her-to-wrong-wealthy-pedophile/">Melania Tru...