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humor The Onion 2026-04-02

Dodgers Owner Panicked Over $414 Million Payroll, Realizes He Should've Asked Blake Snell for an Auto Loan

Los Angeles Dodgers owner Mark Walter is in a bind, having blown through $414 million on player contracts, now he's wondering if he can convince Blake Snell to take a paycheck in baseball tickets – or his contract in yen?

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